my unintended.

Sistar : Shady Girl

2010-10-25T15:04:00.002+08:00

Hey yooo.

Today. Is. Boring.

Except for the thrill of seeing my classmates again, i dont think the new modules excite me much.

Break was very loooooong.

i kept looking out for him, but to no avail.

i blame NP for having too huge a population.

can i let go of this hopeful feeling?

he's too eligible.

single, likes blue, watches korean dramas, wanna be a psychologist, loves children, dont find simple things lame, loves this cute cartoon.

arghh. eoddeokhae?

muse : unintended

2010-10-23T20:41:00.001+08:00

i hate how i promise myself to never let it affect me but it always does.

hence, i have made yet another resolution.

let them be, and mingle around with those whom i'm worthy of.

i'm sick of feeling left out, boring, lame, lonely and unworthy.

so thats it. its the end.

anyways, right now, i have 2 people who make me smile just at the thought of them.

1. Aqid

Dont ever look down (literally, you can) on this 16-months old kid. he's a walking monster.

his stone face when he's in the car.

his cheeky smile when he sees straws - his favourite chewing thing.

his random laughs whenever he hears others laughing.

his psycho babble, thinking people would actually understand.

his old person pose with his two hands clasped behind his back.

his obedience when people asked him to salam or clap hands.

his innocent trust in people whom he have never met in a long time.

his love with my brother.

his ability to penetrate through my brother's arrogance and hot-temper and makes my brother laugh and smile and display his rare love.

his interest in expensive gadgets - iPhone, DSLR, iTouch.

his macam paham pointing at random things and ramblings about them.

This kid made my day each time i see him.

Hope he grows up well.

2. CL

a guy whom i never thought i would ever like.

he is one who outwardly looks like one of the stereotypes.

but when i discovered he's in the same cca and i tried to confirm it with him, it seemed like he was backing away from me.

perhaps he was thinking, "hey, whats up with this fat, ugly malay girl? why she's so interested in my choice of cca?"

thus, i was cautious ever since then and kept a distance from him.

who'd knew he came up to me once and asked for my name.

no people, i didnt fall for him just because he asked for my name and i perasan-ed that he likes me or anything.

it's more of what happened after that.

i became more normal around him but still, i didnt dare start any conversations.

i was quite shocked when he started making small talk.

so sometimes, when we were stuck behind the others or happened to sit next to e/o, he'd just ask some random question and from there our convos began rolling.

from what time did you sleep last night to your eyes are very blue to asking me to present with him, i dont know.

i know, who the hell am i to daydream that he's interested right. but what can i do?

he likes blue too.

he loves children, especially those in the toddlers range too.

he is funny.

he wants to be a psychologist despite his totally different major right now.

he is a gentleman.

he does not find the event lame.

he's cute.

he's different.

but there's something i regret.

i told a friend of ours that i think this girl likes him.

because while we were talking and all, she kept glancing at him.

then there was this event where she lined up behind him and did that activity repeatedly for 3 hours alongside him.

she looked like she could balance perfectly but somehow, she kept holding his arms.

yes, i'm jealous. i cant deny it. :(

yeahh so this friend of ours just HAD to spill the beans to him & some others.

he didnt look shocked or anything.

but the others started to tease him.

and tease him again. and again.

he was like, "mmm, ya, ya."

so what does that mean?

i'm like a despo. i wanna know what he's thinking.

but frankly, i'd love to be his friend rather than to just admire him.

its the first time i met someone who likes blue, loves children, shares the same cca and wanna be what i had actually intended to be.

so yeah.

i've been wanting an answer or some form of sign if i should do what i wanted to do.

so far, i've told my cousin and she said go for it.

but can i trust that judgement?

afterall, im less than average - in all sense and in every way.

someone like him would perhaps wanna have a friend who's pretty, slim, awesome, demure etc etc.

SO, there. im vexed.

utterly lost.

i thought talking about him here would clear my mind and make me happier, but it doesnt.

im becoming more confused and unsure of myself.

didnt i just learnt not to look down on oneself and to stop feeding the black dogs in one's head?

but i cant.

4men : Baby Baby

2010-10-08T18:06:00.002+08:00

At times like this, I really need a friend who confides in me and whom I can confide in.

Together, we share our sorrows and joys.

Not only for a fleeting moment, but regularly.

A friend whom I can trust to listen and be there when no one else is.

For that, I'm thankful to Valery Chua today.

Nevertheless, some troubles dont just go away just because I said them out loud right?

Haiz. Asnira, go go go! Half more and you're done!

2ne1 : Go Away

2010-10-07T16:56:00.003+08:00

Be grateful, Asnira.

Thank Allah for what you have and let go of what you cant have.

There are soooo many others who are worse off than you.

Why be depressed about others' well-being and success?

It dont mean shit if you succeed and have everything in the world when you take things for granted and spend all your money all at once.

These traits are not what Allah loves in a person.

SO, be grateful. Dont envy others, its unnecessary.

SHINee : Hello

2010-10-03T20:17:00.008+08:00

Just like this blog, at times I wish I could just delete all the posts in my life and start on a fresh new page.

I hate how I was so lame and still am.

I hate how I can't maintain everyday contact with my friends.

I hate how I'm so fat and ugly.

I hate how I always get caught in the middle of an argument.

I hate how I can't be neither partial nor impartial; I will always change sides depending on the stories I heard.

I hate how I can be such a hypocrite and liar at times.

I hate how easily envious I can be of somebody else; be it fortune or relationships or friendships or looks or skills.

I hate how it's so hard for me to say the truth or how I really feel at times.

I hate how I am so bloody freaking lazy.

I hate how I was born a girl and thus, am not allowed to go overseas to study.

I hate how my parents react most times.

I hate how I have a love-hate relationship with my family members.

I hate how I love them to bits most times but I just can't express how I feel.

I hate how that asshole has scarred me for life and made me be disgusted with myself.

I hate how I am utterly scared of ghost stories and the ghosts themselves.

I hate how I don't know how to appreciate what I have and be thankful to God.

I hate how I often forget God was the one who made everything possible in my life.

I hate how I can give up so easily some times when I encounter an obstacle in life.

I hate how I can be desperate at times.

I hate how I whine and whine and sulk some times when I'm not happy.

I hate how I will compare myself to others, fall short, and then make myself depressed.

I hate how I don't have art or music in my blood.

I hate how I don't know what I want to be in the future.

I hate how there's sooo many things I hate about myself but can only come up with a few good traits.

I hate how I've come to hate myself some times.

These are my pent-up feelings these few months.

Don't like how I'm such a whiny bitch? S'okay, I feel the same way.

Minho is loved. (:

Today, I went to see my own version of Minho. :)

Actually, that was my ultimate purpose in going for the engagement party.

Pretty desperate for an ugly person like me aye?

Hahah who caaaares!

Call me a stalker but wouldn't you love it if you can see your him upclose and personal?

Hmm maybe not everyone.

But I like it anyways. :>

White jeans, grey sleeveless.

Then white jeans with a red kameez top.

A handsome smile always ready for guests.

Yet when it came to children, it blooms into a sweet smile and easy laughter.

Checks in on his beautiful sister every once in a while.

Prays religiously.

Moreover, love taking selcas with his cute mum.

Flaws? Eobseo. None. Takde. Mei you.

No wait. Too good-looking. Too awesome.

Yupp.

YAAAAAAAAAAWNS.

I'm very sleepy la darling.

Shall go watch some dramas first then retire.

Okay byeee.